My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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