Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
