I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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