it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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