she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
