omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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