How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
