I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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