I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
