What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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