She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I enjoy the company of your penis
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
