i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
