Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
