is your mom at the bar?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
