so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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