All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
