oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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