I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
