Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
