Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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