We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
