I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
