i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
