I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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