what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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