its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
