Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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