Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
