I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
