Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
