How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You did what with his pubic hair?
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