She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
