i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
