life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
