i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need a beard to bite.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
