my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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