Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
