she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
