dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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