Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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