i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
