i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
