I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
