I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it because I queefed?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
