Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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