Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
