I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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