i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
