i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
