My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
