before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
