hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
